


can't sleep

by rarmaster



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: ADHD Lloyd, Gen, kratos being a dadtos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 20:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarmaster/pseuds/rarmaster
Summary: Lloyd can't sleep. Kratos does what he can to help.





	can't sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [constellation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/808333) by [Rethira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rethira/pseuds/Rethira). 



> one part "I wanted to write more soft secret dad Kratos fic" one part "furiously projects all my ADHD moods on Lloyd". If this particular flavor of insomnia isn't one of them I'll eat my foot.
> 
> also Rethira's fic [_constellation_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/808333) had some really good content about Kratos telling Lloyd about constellations when Lloyd was a baby and I borrowed it a little bit... Read that fic if you love to die about Kratos!!

Kratos’ eyes snapped open at the sound of movement.

Not that he was surprised by this turn of events, because Lloyd’s breathing patterns and heartbeat told Kratos clearly enough that Lloyd _wasn’t_ sleeping. But the sound of Lloyd getting up meant… Well, it meant that Kratos wanted to do something about it, something to help, even though it would really be wiser not to. Still, he turned to look over his shoulder at his son.

Lloyd had only sat upright. He looked embarrassed to be making eye-contact with Kratos, breaking it quickly.

“Can’t sleep?” Kratos wagered a guess. He recognized the frustrated and exhausted look on Lloyd’s face, having seen it on Anna’s before.

Lloyd ran a hand through his hair, eyes pinched. “Yeah?” he croaked, like he didn’t want to admit it. “It’s so stupid, I’ve tried everything but my mind just spins and spins and spins and—” His words trailed off into something like a whine, before he choked it down. He sent a worried glance at his sleeping companions.

He looked younger than he was, for a moment, exhaustion making him vulnerable. The sight made Kratos’ heart pull in dangerous ways. He wanted to scoop Lloyd up in his arms and tuck Lloyd’s head under his chin, like he had when Lloyd was a child, except Lloyd was not a child any longer, and he was a stranger to Lloyd, not a father.

Which meant Kratos had to think of… something else.

“Sometimes,” he said, carefully. “I find that counting the stars helps me fall asleep.”

Lloyd let out a mean, short laugh. “Yeah, I know that’s not going to work,” he countered, the words like barbs. His leg fidgeted anxiously under him. “I’ll lose my place after ten and on the second ten my mind will end up thinking about who knows what else and then…!” He cut off with a growl, smacking his hands to his face and flopping back onto the ground. Kratos winced. Listening to Lloyd fill his lungs with frantic, upset heaves of air wasn’t easy, but… Kratos wasn’t sure he could trust himself to act in a way that was distant enough to keep up his charade, so he just didn’t act at all.

Thankfully, though, Lloyd calmed himself down within twenty or so breaths.

“Sorry,” he whispered into his hands. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” Kratos said. “I can imagine the inability to sleep to be… tiring.”

He could have chosen a different word, but the double meaning in _tiring_ felt fitting. And Lloyd laughed, so it was easily worth it.

Kratos gave Lloyd a moment more, and then:

“Lloyd?” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I have gathered many stories on my travels. I cannot guarantee they will put you to sleep, but they might at least take your mind off how awake you are.”

Lloyd laughed again, then sat back up. He considered Kratos, looking bewildered, then shrugged. “Yeah, alright,” he said, and shuffled over to sit next to Kratos. “Beats having my thoughts chase themselves in circles for the rest of the night.” He stifled a yawn against the back of his hand. “What kinds of stories you got?”

“Well…”

Kratos had many, being over 4000 years old. He wondered if Lloyd would enjoy mostly-fake mercenary tales, the answer to which was yes, perhaps too much. Lloyd might like stories about Mithos, as well, but it would be difficult to make those sound like they came from someone who by no rights should know Mithos personally. Which left only one set of stories.

“Forgive me for being indulgent, but the stars are a special interest of mine,” Kratos said. He kept his eyes fixed on them so he wouldn’t have to see the potential judgement in Lloyd’s brow, and so that Lloyd would not see the expression on his own face. He’d used to tell Lloyd stories of the constellations to lull him to sleep, when Lloyd was very, very young. Reprising that role now was deeply nostalgic, perhaps too much so, but Kratos couldn’t help himself. “Did you know the myths tied to some of the constellations are regional?”

“Regional?” Lloyd repeated blearily, lack of sleep slurring the word a little. His leg started fidgeting again. “Hey wait a minute, since when do the constellations have _myths_!?”

Kratos regarded Lloyd with a look of surprise. “Raine didn’t teach you that in school?”

“I remember learning the names of the constellations, but… if I’d known they had stories I think I would have paid more attention!” He squinted up at the sky, then jabbed his finger towards it. “Like… that one. What’s its name again?”

“The twin stones?”

“Yeah, them. What’s their story?”

Kratos smiled, for a moment, grateful that Lloyd was interested. He’d been a little bit afraid that Lloyd would insist on hearing stories about something else. Then Kratos cleared his throat and started weaving the tale, one of the water spirit Undine breaking the earth to reach her lover. Lloyd was fascinated, and once it was over he picked out another constellation and Kratos told that story as well, until Lloyd ran out of constellations he knew the names of and Kratos had to point out his own favorites.

The stars hadn’t changed much in the past fifteen years. Doing this again made Kratos feel light and fluttery, his walls falling away. If there was a fondness or an excitement or love for his son creeping into his voice, he couldn’t find it in him to regret it. It was nice to get lost in this again. Telling stories about constellations that Lloyd had loved when he was small, had loved and forgotten. It was a little different, speaking with the aim to lull a 17-year-old to sleep, instead of a 2-year-old, but still easy to get lost in. Kratos didn’t realize himself until Lloyd fell against his shoulder, head curled against him like they weren’t strangers at all, but a father and son who had never been separated.

“Y’know… these do sound a little familiar…” Lloyd mumbled through a yawn. “Maybe… maybe Raine did…” He didn’t finish, the sentence trailing off into a faint snore.

Kratos went very still, heart doing double-time in his chest. He should… move. He should definitely move. But. Lloyd was asleep, and at the very least wouldn’t admit to this in the morning even if he remembered it. Besides, if Kratos wasn’t careful about moving, he’d wake Lloyd. Not that he could leave Lloyd here _all_ night, but he could indulge in this for a little while, couldn’t he?

Kratos waited, counting his own breaths, counting Lloyd’s. It was a relief to feel Lloyd’s breathing even out, to hear his heartbeat slow.

He didn’t want to move, but, when he felt certain Lloyd was in a deep enough sleep that moving wouldn’t wake him, Kratos did. Carefully he extricated himself from beneath Lloyd, easing Lloyd onto the ground. It would be too risky to return Lloyd to the spot he’d tried to initially go to sleep in, so Kratos left curled up on the ground there.

He looked so peaceful, content, now that he’d fallen asleep. Almost like the 2-year-old Kratos remembered him as best. A fond smile pulled at Kratos’ lips. Lloyd. His _son_.

Kratos shook himself out of it and moved to the other side of camp to resume his watch.


End file.
